Death Rate!

Now this is a gud one: (Stolen from another blog of a friend of mine)

Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?

A: One per person.

Complex

And then this guy A comes to me and says that this girl B has a problem with another guy C. And this is being stated as the problem why work is not getting done! Now, how am I supposed to make sure that they stay on the same side of the line? Moreover, why should I do that?

I mean, am I responsible?

Kya yaar, kitne pange hain life mein? Can't the life be a bit normal, without any complexities?

Talk.

Just yesternite I was discussing this with a friend of mine: How sick guys are!!??

Stunned I was to hear this abstract statement, but then everyone has all the rights to think whatever one feels like. Only later did I come to know that it was only a matter of the moment she encountered. As I lay back and think, I ponder over the issue and see that many-a-times, the corollary holds.

Talks with her brought back those gud ol' DCE days. That "Chai waale baba" - "Are mera cup tod diye re!" - Those countless hours spent in the canteen - Those group fights - Those marriage parties we used to attend unvited - The gud times - And the bad times.

But anyhow, those were the best days of my life! (No doubts about that)
:)

Changing times

How strange it is to see people perform celebrations here, which is highly unlike how I have seen things getting along in Delhi! With this guy's (from the office) birthday just around the corner, the gusto was highly intriguing. But as I see it, people from this part of the country are not too much involved with one-another. Though they are very nice to talk to if you approach them, hardly will anyone ever make the first move. So content in themselves, no wonder why they are getting into technical field in large numbers.

Actually this party here today reminded me of the gud ol' times at DCE. Celebrations everyday. Even the fights we used to have now seem the best of the times. I would anyday prefer those itsy-bitsy fights than the happy days here, while I sit in this air-conditioned cabin, sipping this stupid cup of coffee.

Not in a mood to continue anymore. Need some change. Need to call someone right now. Rest later.

Naahh. Nothing.

Now then, it's been happening for quite some time. I wonder when the speculations will come to an end, to bring out a clearer picture. Hoping to get everything sorted out by the time I go home.

Leaving it aside, I think its getting interesting day-by-day. With the projects coming in at an unsustainable pace, I sure need to look for people who are WELL-SUITED for the task. Everyone has his/her own strengths (I won't call weakness here, bcoz hardly anyone knows his), and the onus lies on each individual to identify how to manipulate self to get a strategic fit with the task. This seems to be pretty abstract, and getting into an unidentified field; so will chuck this as well, for the meantime.

This week was as hectic it can get, but for a change, I didn't mind that. With a few client deliveries (or should I say Over-deliveries), and commencement of other few, it came as a surprize to me how I could have managed 3 night-outs in a span of 4 days. As I see it, never-ever have I bothered to go thru the night for studies. Night-outs I have had for sports/games/roaming around have been countless, but never for something which would add value ;-) to anything. But these night-outs were more out of concern than for work. Monitoring of the team, and giving them a feel that someone is there sitting with them is more like it.

Anyhow, will have all the rest in the world when I go home next week. (Or will I? 000's of things are to be done. Gotta meet "n" number of people. Gotta take care of some pending issues. etc etc etc). This trip will be more like a hop, where I'll have to manage with just one "me". Alas, cloning has not reached any critical stage.

Maybe I'll put in my skeptical thoughts next time. I sat to pen them down, but somehow could not do that. Better luck next time.

Lonely Hearts - See Through !

Find 50, or find just 1

Courtesy a blog entry that I saw on blogger sometime back, a thought came to my mind tonight. The entry rightly asks - Do we spend enuf time on "I", "Me", "Myself", even though we say we are so selfish!

Let me re-iterate the question asked - "What are the 50 things you WILL do before you DIE?"

Absurd sure it seems, but as emgi (that's the name of the person who made the post) states it, it's really very hard to think of any such things. Infact, I tried thinking of a few for myself, but couldn't even zero-on to 1 of those 50.

I think I've thought of the 1st one now, though. It would be to be find all 50, before I die.

Attitude !

Have this - "Leli"!

The key word is always Leli. Especially in the corporate world, there is nothing more important than the Leli word.

It is therefore time now to ask yourself a simple question. "Did I Leli someone today?"

If yes, good. If no, you haven't moved up sufficiently in life yet.

Progress is measured by how many people you Leli each day. Sub-ordinates, vendors, partners. Sometimes customers, bosses and investors too.

Note the clear and logical implication of the slogan. Your tempo is high, when you Leli someone else. If you are not Leli-ing sufficiently, you are the one likely to be Leli-ed by someone.

In your office, you can clearly see a co-relation between a person's importance and his Leli Monthly Index (LMI).

The LMI is given by the formula :

(sigma of [the number of people you Leli x number of times you Leli each of them in a month]) divided by (sigma of [the number of people who Leli you x number of times they Leli you in a month])

(Note: the numerator/denominator is taken as 1 if it turns out to be zero.)

For a Weight Adjusted LMI:

You can take a multiplying factor of 1 for Leli-ing sub-ordinates, vendors and partners

and a multiplying factor of 2 for customers, bosses and investors.

An LMI of above 10 is considered healthy for your heart and back. Mainly because you are so good at leli-ing now that you can play tennis, chase hemlines at Forum, and generally indulge in similar healthy pastimes, unlike others with a low LMI who play the corporate rat-race, chase deadlines and generally indulge their backs on that badly designed office chair.

Further, it is a good idea to measure your LMI and compare it to that of your boss. If your LMI is higher than that of your boss, I would not want to be your boss for sure.

Following are estimates of Weight Adjusted LMIs for various people:

- The common man 0.01

- Rajesh Gupta 0.002

(Got the least salary hikes, on bench, did the max work and worst employee rating

Hai koi shaksh na koi duja

Hai aksar uska muh suja sujta
Main puch kya hai bhai ?
Usne kaha

My dear boy "I am Rajesh Gupta" !
)

- PR Rajesh 100

(did the least work and got the maximum salary hikes, got the best Employee rating goes to gym,joggin ,bars, pubs music classes and (if time permits) to office, had a new girlfriend every Saturday)

Rabin - 0.0000001

(Works in office. Works in home.But despised, ostarcised ,circumcised everywhere. The culprit is PR rajesh who increases his own LMI by Leli-ing him and the problem is Rabin thinks PR is his best friend. PR shaggin in his bed was caught live on video which further decreased Rabins LMI )

- MBA in an IT Company 50

(he does regular leli to his boss and the customer, therefore he gets a really high Weight Adjusted LMI, the massive crowds on Brigade Road chasing hemlines is a testimony to the Leli-ing success of Software industry MBA's in Bangalore)

- Software Project Manager 0.1

(gets leli-ed by all his software developer sub-ordinates and by the customer besides by his boss even as he chases deadlines all alone.)

- Consultant 1

(actually you may be wondering why I have put such a low figure given that consultants of all varieties can leli everybody and can never be leli-ed by anybody since they do not have to do any real work. But then have you seen a consultant play tennis or whiling away his time on MG Road? No. You always see them hurrying about, working long hours etc. The funda is simple. The consultant achieves his Leli success by leli-ing himself. For every Leli he scores, he has to commit an equal self-leli.)

- Small Investor 0.5 (for every rupee he makes, he loses two)

- Jayalalitha 1.5 billion (50 million Tams x 30 days)

- LalooPrasad 1 Zillion (30 million biharis x 365 days x 20 years)

So, if you want to progress in life, remove that Britney Spears wallpaper from your desktop and put a chart showing your LMI over a period of time. Stare at it for four hours each day. That kind of time wasted will leli your boss, clocking sufficient leli-points for you. That way, you may even have time to play tennis in future - after you are chucked out from your job.

Happy Leli-ing!

Things to do.

Yet again, too many things happening at the same time.
New recruits - Their work - Their acclimatization - Travel Plans to Bangalore - Travel plans to meet clients all across India - Going home - Contacting companies - Law profiles - Law course - Passport - US War Games trip - Upcoming Birthdays - Pondicherry - Yercaud - Emails - Fee-mails.

Hmmmffff!!