A dysfunctional family, and a wedding

"Rachel Getting Married" is a contemporary drama with an aggressive sense of humor about the return of an estranged daughter to the family home for her sister's wedding. Kym's reemergence throws a wrench into the family dynamics, forcing long-simmering tensions to surface in ways both hilarious and heartbreaking. It paints a colorful, nuanced family portrait and is filled with the rich characters.

Net net, the movie is a cacophony.

It could be cheaply disparaged as a film about rich people's annoying problems, but the acting has a weight and complexity that drags you in, even against your will.

A genuine revelation, Kym's pained wastrel is cutting and articulate – I loved Kym going off to "register as a general biohazard" – but also needy, damaged and more vulnerable than she likes to show.

Rachel matches her with a combination of gracefulness and snippy backbiting. Playing their parents, we get brilliant sketches from the great Bill Irwin, as their floundering peacekeeper dad, and their mother who has divorced herself from intimacy with her own girls.

It is dysfunctional family drama on a combination of grainy, handheld 35mm and consumer video – without rehearsal, with a huge ensemble cast made up of actors and musicians

The script is, perhaps, the best thing about Rachel Getting Married; many things are left unsaid, many things are unexplained, and many things are said and explained through the natural ebb and flow of the conversation. When Kym steps into "her" room at the family's house; it's preserved as if in amber, still and airless and perfect and dead. It also captures the jumbled, joyous chaos of a mixed-race wedding - the weird mix of territorial squabbles over everything from seating charts to roles in the bridal party and warm, loving, celebration. And as we go from rehearsal to reception, difficulty to disaster, we learn how much Kym truly has to atone for. The characters bring to life someone who has, through her own fault, earned a crushing sorrow that she will feel every day of her life: Kym notes, of her gravest error, how "I can live with it, but I can't forgive myself ..."; Hathaway makes us believe it. At the same time, Rachel Getting Married is very funny - from quick-cut gags to smart character-driven asides to a character's explosion of annoyance late in the film that may echo the audience's feelings about one of the film's devices.

Movie is meant for those who're not afraid to open themselves up to it.

...smile

The other day I was driving along in a bad mood (mainly due to the traffic and some meeting I was getting late for). Noticing a red light up ahead, I changed lanes to get on the wrong side, and given my mood, I expected to have a hard time getting across. But no, the car that was coming up on my left immediately slowed down and let me pass. As I exchanged a smile with the driver, my mood immediately lifted.

What this simple act of kindness made me realize is that often it doesn't take much to make someone else's day. Or even your own day. So here's what I think:

1. Ping. Time is NEVER an issue.
2. Compliment. Everybody loves to receive a sincere compliment.
3. Remember a birthday / anniversary. Everyone loves it.
4. Stand up for someone. Nothing like it.
5. Listen. Sometimes people just need to vent.
6. Listen to music.
7. Tell a joke. As Cummings once said, "the most wasted of all days is one without laughter." So tell a joke, even if it is just to your car.
8. Say thank you. Saying "thank you" is perhaps the easiest way to show someone you appreciate.
9. Have lunch with friends. If you haven't seen a friend for awhile, taking them out to lunch is a great way to catch up.
10. Give chocolate. Even if you don’t eat it.
11. Donate to a charity. You may not see the person you help, but that's not really the point, is it?
12. Believe. In yourself. In friends.
13. Show you care.
14. Share a happy memory. Have some photos from a recent outing - send a quick email to your friend so that they can relive the memory.
15. Cook.
16. Read. Keep reading.
17. Buy gifts. This shows that you think about the person you buy the gift for.
18. Play with babies.
19. Smile. Period!

tea...

Many-a-times, it happens that you yearn for something that you would want to look forward to. Some of the days, it's a cuppa for me! A book along proves an icing.

However hectic or consuming day has been, come a cup of tea, and there’s hope again. The spirit of tea is one of poise. It’s serene. Tea being prepared, favorite conversations galore - my dear friend, there’s always time for you.

Last few months, every evening I make it a point to meet this friend of mine outside office – and we go to this place that serves awesome tea. It’s heaven. With a cup in hand, we talk about endless endless things, worrying about nothing, forgetting about all the meetings. About emails. About office politics.

And now this friend is shifting to another city. Wonder what’ll keep me serene from next week on!

Rightly put - The whole point of civilization is to provide one with someone to drink tea with at the end of an evening.

strange?

Truth is stranger than fiction, but this is because fiction is obliged to stick to probability; truth is not.

Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for what we have. And, fortunately, when there aren't many things to thank for, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention soft-spoken secrets, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true.

For some people, money is a foreign film without subtitles.

I am one.

Many-a-times, we lose control over pity things. So what if a rickshaw dweller tried to overtake your car, or a guy pushed over to get ahead in the queue - how much difference does it make really. If you're pissed off, nothing you ever do like scolding or getting into a fight can ever take that feeling away. It won't make you feel any different - It just gets you more lost and you get tired of being pissed off; you just get tired of it.

Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it.

Fantasies have to be unrealistic. Because the minute- the second- that you get what you want, you don't- you can't- want it anymore.

...perception

There a quote I heard long time back -

"Every day in the forest, when a gazelle wakes up, it knows it must run faster than the fastest tiger or it will be killed. Every day when the tigers wake up, they know they must get the slowest gazelle or they'll die. It doesn't matter if you're a tiger or a gazelle; when the sun rise—you'd better be running."

There are many takeaways from this quote. One is obvious - be on your toes, always. Another one, though a bit subtle, is how important team work is. If you notice the second line of the quote, it says "when the tigers wake up", and not just a tiger. A team is as good as the team collectively is.

Been a part of quite a few teams; been audience to a few - the only thing that has come out as a standard observation is, team dynamics make or break the objective of having the team. And more often than not, it's not our preferences that cause problems; it's our attachment to them.

Team Dynamics are the unseen forces that operate in a team between different people or groups. Team Dynamics can strongly influence how a team reacts, behaves or performs, and the effects of team dynamics are often very complex.

One can recognize team dynamics by looking for the forces that influence team behavior. These forces might include:

• Personality styles (eg: including or excluding people)
• Office layout (eg: cupboards dividing teams into two)
• Tools and technology (eg: email, bulletin board, information pool enabling hidden communication).
• Organisational culture (eg: flexibility of working from home)

Sometimes these factors can play an influence. For example, if a wall of cupboards were to be placed across the middle of the office, this would also form a 'natural force' that influences the communication flow and may separate the group into two further sub-groups.

Sometimes, an "absence" of a natural force can also be a team dynamic. For example, if the leader or manager is permanently removed from the office, the group may be drawn into a change of behaviour.

To manage team dynamics constructively, one needs to:

1. look for the team dynamics - the 'natural forces' at play
2. determine whether they are acting for good or ill,
3. make interventions to make the effect of those dynamics more positive.

For example, if a wall of cupboards is inhibiting communication within a group, that wall can be repositioned and the room layout designed to encourage communication (without making the environment too uncomfortable for those who value their privacy when working on individual tasks).

There is one more kind of factor - social factor. Suppose in a small team of people working in one office, there are two people who have a particularly strong friendship. This friendship is a "natural force" that may have an influence on the rest of the team, and can manifest in various ways, either positively or negatively.

The positive effect of a strong friendship in a team might be:

• the friends communicate a lot together...
• ...which naturally results in other members being drawn into the discussion
• ...which results in a good 'social' feel to the group
• ...which makes people enjoy being in the group
• ...which improves motivation and commitment

The negative effect of a strong friendship might be:

• to cause the other people to feel excluded...
• ...which means decision making will be skewed
  
• ...which means that there are likely to be sub-groups
• ...which means that information may not flow across the whole group, but only within the subgroups
• ...which means that miscommunication may lead to misunderstanding and poor collective performance

Whether it is good or bad depends on other factors.

Get ready for emosanal atyachaar!

I was talking to a friend a few hours back, and got this tip to notice "Dev.D". I had listened to one of the songs of the movie, "Emosanal Atyachaar" (yes, not emotional), and I quite liked it. The usage of pump organs instead of conventional guitars and keyboard gave it a unique feel.

But as I now notice, that song was only the tip of the iceberg. Listen to other songs (there are as many as 15 songs in the movie), and you know that there is another music marvel shaping up - Music Director Amit Trivedi (Amit Trivedi who? - I myself had to do some google search to get to know, but I now know he is on my watch list for sure!) is another Rahman in the making, if I may call that.

The movie has world music, Rajasthani folk, head-banging rock, street band baaja, an Awadhi song, Punjabi song and 1980's Euro-pop song.

Dev D is about Devdas, Chandramukhi and Paro. Devdas is called Dev D. It is about today's Devdas, who doesn't drink alcohol but is into drugs like cocaine and ganja. His character is psychedelic so there are hard-rock songs (notice the posters of the movie for the same).

Chandramukhi is not a kothewali prostitute but today's school-going 16-year old prostitute. Chandramukhi is Chanda, a London-returned woman, so her songs have a western classical flavour.

Paro is from Chandigarh here. There are a lot of Punjabi and Awadhi songs for Paro.

My personal fav songs are Nayan Tarse & Pardesi - and lyrics blow you away with somelines going as, "Kahaan Chali Gayi Hai Saari Khushi..". Dejavu, Amrita Pritam?

And finally, look at this poster - creativity at its level best!

...watch your back

I was in Bihar a few days back, and I must say, the phrase "Watch you back" has been custom made for the place. Not that I faced any problems in the area, and I frankly had no issues going to the place, though many people had told me otherwise. I don't really go by only the reputation of the place, but I choose to take a feel before making a judgment. And I should say, it's more of an experience than a comment made by someone. While I was traveling places within Bihar, I was told by many not to travel to far off places, and was strictly instructed not to be on roads during nights. And a chill went through my spine when I went against the suggestions, and started catching up on my travel during night - it was strange to see every shop closed by 7p in the evening. Hardly any soul was to be seen on the roads. I am not making an opinion about the place, but it's just that the aura of the place makes you feel vulnerable. No wonder why we have to include a "political" risk and a "security" risk while analyzing a project based in this land of Chanakya! Hope things get better soon enough. Or rather say, people start realizing that things are better, soon enough.