Death is something that seems to be beyond us. Despite it being a birthright, we are never able to prepare adequately for the pain and grief with which it entails. The death of someone young seems to silence us indeterminably. After the grief and pain of it all, we learn to pause before we speak their name.
The night before, a friend met with an accident. He's no more with us today. It was shocking and tragic.
It somehow prompted me to start looking back on our poor choices through youth. Our foolish mistakes and social disasters. I thought about our somewhat, er, 'misguided'(?) experiences; all those times when we have lost control of our bikes and cars, and those close shaves on road.
Perhaps we don't discuss the dead in such a convivial context in order to ease the stark reality of it. The reality that we wish so much to avoid is that it could be us. One of us has died and we are forced to readjust our life lens. We would all like to live each day as if it were our last, but we don't because we assume we have to plan for the future. That our future could be diminished with such immediacy is too frightening to bear, so instead we do not discuss our young friend and his death at all; except in the period of immediate mourning. The name is avoided while we quietly reconfigure our own fears of impermanence. Our memories do not fade, but we keep them to ourselves and hold them close, keeping them private.
Life is short, period. People and moments are precious. Savor the time together; remember with love instead of regret and guilt.
Peace.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Of "Udaan" & Childhood..
This post begins on the note of a movie I recently watched - "Udaan". I had heard very good things about the movie; it had swept various awards nonchalantly as I had heard, and being a movie of Anurag Kashyap has its charm too. So I decided to watch it.
Udaan is a story of hope, dreams, aspirations, conflicts, expectations, friendships, relationships, love, despair, and much more. It is about the rebel streak that we face in our teens, which ultimately defines who we are - the phase that defines who we become. The crux of the movie is the scene where Rohan runs and runs and runs. For me, that is the scene in which he eventually takes off (and so does the movie)! Hats off to that scene, to say the least. Nothing grand, nothing extraordinary, plain simple awesome!
So I was discussing this movie yesterday with a bunch of friends, when it came up how there was a TV serial named Udaan in early 90s that used to air on DD. It was about that female (can't recall the name, but remember the face) and her struggle to become a police officer against the backdrop of preferred male sibling and other hardships.
And then we came to discussing all those epic serials we all grew up watching - be it Ramayana or Mahabharata. And that quaint DD logo. And those interesting knowledge based series like Surbhi, Turning Point and Bharat Ek Khoj. And the regular, and much awaited Chitrahaar. And Byomkesh Bakshi. And He-Man & Captain Vyom. And Dekh Bhai Dekh. And many more.
Still remember that whole family used to sit together to watch these. The roads would be deserted on Sundays morning 9 to 10 - all families glued to their TV sets. Friday evenings would be much awaited to see which songs would be aired this week. And then ever repeating "Mile Sur Mera Tumhara".
True, that Childhood, after all, is the original score for one’s life song. Awesome time 'twas.
My childhood was an improbable mix of antique and modern, outdoor and indoor, freedom and constraint. At six, I wanted to be a school principal, at seven a movie director, at eight Superman, at eleven a fighter pilot, at twelve a politician, at thirteen a history professor, at fifteen an artist, at seventeen a scuba diver, at twenty a traveler. It wasn’t that I was watching too much TV; I hardly did. I was simply mirroring, as children will, the goings-on around me.
Ask me now what I want to be. Answer - anything. I want to be me.
PS: As an afterthought, recalled that Shahid Kapoor & Ayesha Takia used to come in a Complan ad too! Did I start insisting on Complan after seeing this ad?!
Udaan is a story of hope, dreams, aspirations, conflicts, expectations, friendships, relationships, love, despair, and much more. It is about the rebel streak that we face in our teens, which ultimately defines who we are - the phase that defines who we become. The crux of the movie is the scene where Rohan runs and runs and runs. For me, that is the scene in which he eventually takes off (and so does the movie)! Hats off to that scene, to say the least. Nothing grand, nothing extraordinary, plain simple awesome!
So I was discussing this movie yesterday with a bunch of friends, when it came up how there was a TV serial named Udaan in early 90s that used to air on DD. It was about that female (can't recall the name, but remember the face) and her struggle to become a police officer against the backdrop of preferred male sibling and other hardships.
And then we came to discussing all those epic serials we all grew up watching - be it Ramayana or Mahabharata. And that quaint DD logo. And those interesting knowledge based series like Surbhi, Turning Point and Bharat Ek Khoj. And the regular, and much awaited Chitrahaar. And Byomkesh Bakshi. And He-Man & Captain Vyom. And Dekh Bhai Dekh. And many more.
Still remember that whole family used to sit together to watch these. The roads would be deserted on Sundays morning 9 to 10 - all families glued to their TV sets. Friday evenings would be much awaited to see which songs would be aired this week. And then ever repeating "Mile Sur Mera Tumhara".
True, that Childhood, after all, is the original score for one’s life song. Awesome time 'twas.
My childhood was an improbable mix of antique and modern, outdoor and indoor, freedom and constraint. At six, I wanted to be a school principal, at seven a movie director, at eight Superman, at eleven a fighter pilot, at twelve a politician, at thirteen a history professor, at fifteen an artist, at seventeen a scuba diver, at twenty a traveler. It wasn’t that I was watching too much TV; I hardly did. I was simply mirroring, as children will, the goings-on around me.
Ask me now what I want to be. Answer - anything. I want to be me.
PS: As an afterthought, recalled that Shahid Kapoor & Ayesha Takia used to come in a Complan ad too! Did I start insisting on Complan after seeing this ad?!
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Recharged
It is always so much fun catching up with friends.
Using email makes it so easy to catch up with old friends and family. Social networking sites, pictures on picasa, or even blogs bring me closer to my friends. But as always, nothing beats meeting those near and dear ones in person.
Today was one such day!
As usual, day began late. I can't really call 2p start of the day an early start, can I! So today was the day off, and thanks to my stars, I managed to get ready in a jiffy and all set to go out for atleast something.
A was in town, since he was coming back from yet another skiing trip in Gulmarg. I had missed the basketball session in the morning since I woke up late, so meeting M & SA was also on the cards. Obviously, AA & G were on the cards. N's office wasn't far. AC was also meeting for Golf. Hadn't caught up with S in a while, so had to check up with him on his GMAT scores and the likes. P was in town, and had to discuss a business proposition with AT too. So net net, loads to do in the already shortened day!
Managed to do a lot during the day, and though the movie plans could not materialize at the end of the day, badminton session in the evening, and Cocoberry discussions at night did sum up the day well. Did manage to have a gala time, plan an outing much in advance for March end, and enough food for thought on ideation for the rest of the week.
Batteries recharged - all set for the remainder of the week. Puff!
Using email makes it so easy to catch up with old friends and family. Social networking sites, pictures on picasa, or even blogs bring me closer to my friends. But as always, nothing beats meeting those near and dear ones in person.
Today was one such day!
As usual, day began late. I can't really call 2p start of the day an early start, can I! So today was the day off, and thanks to my stars, I managed to get ready in a jiffy and all set to go out for atleast something.
A was in town, since he was coming back from yet another skiing trip in Gulmarg. I had missed the basketball session in the morning since I woke up late, so meeting M & SA was also on the cards. Obviously, AA & G were on the cards. N's office wasn't far. AC was also meeting for Golf. Hadn't caught up with S in a while, so had to check up with him on his GMAT scores and the likes. P was in town, and had to discuss a business proposition with AT too. So net net, loads to do in the already shortened day!
Managed to do a lot during the day, and though the movie plans could not materialize at the end of the day, badminton session in the evening, and Cocoberry discussions at night did sum up the day well. Did manage to have a gala time, plan an outing much in advance for March end, and enough food for thought on ideation for the rest of the week.
Batteries recharged - all set for the remainder of the week. Puff!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Meeting the right people = Success
All of those successful people you see around your city, with their cars, villas and huge televisions? Approximately 100 percent of them got where they are because they had three things. All three are absolutely essential, but one of them is almost never mentioned. They are:
* Talent
* Hard Work
* Randomly Meeting the Right People and Not Pissing Them Off
The autobiographies of famous people will do everything they can to downplay that third part, because it has the element of sheer luck. People get offended when you mention it, because they think it somehow undermines the first two. But remember, one needs all three.
For instance, let's take maybe the most successful movie actor of all time, Harrison Ford. He roamed around Hollywood for nine years, taking bit parts without anything major ever coming his way. Clearly talented, very hard-working. Yet not once did anybody look at him and say, "This guy will sell several billion dollars' worth of tickets and action figures some day!" He was just another ambitious, pretty face, in a city full of them. He got so fed up, he quit acting and became a carpenter.
Then one day he got hired to install cabinets in the home of a guy named George Lucas. They became friends. That got him the role of Han Solo in Star Wars a few years later. True story!
Decades earlier another Ford, Henry, was just one of many engineers screwing around with early car engine designs until he became friends with a wealthy businessman named Alexander Malcomson who forked over the money to get Ford Motor Company started.
This also works for guys not named Ford; Justin Bieber was one of several hundred thousand teenagers singing on YouTube videos before a former record exec named Scooter Braun clicked on one of his videos by accident and got him a record deal.
On the other end of the spectrum, you have guys like Edgar Allan Poe, whose legendary poem "The Raven" earned him... nine dollars. He burned so many bridges he wound up basically begging the public for money before dying at 40.
At some point Poe probably met his George Lucas, but made such a horrible impression on him the guy wouldn't return his calls.
Morale of the story:
I. First Impressions are Really Important;
II. Subsequent Impressions Are Also Important;
III. No, We're Not Tiger Woods!
* Talent
* Hard Work
* Randomly Meeting the Right People and Not Pissing Them Off
The autobiographies of famous people will do everything they can to downplay that third part, because it has the element of sheer luck. People get offended when you mention it, because they think it somehow undermines the first two. But remember, one needs all three.
For instance, let's take maybe the most successful movie actor of all time, Harrison Ford. He roamed around Hollywood for nine years, taking bit parts without anything major ever coming his way. Clearly talented, very hard-working. Yet not once did anybody look at him and say, "This guy will sell several billion dollars' worth of tickets and action figures some day!" He was just another ambitious, pretty face, in a city full of them. He got so fed up, he quit acting and became a carpenter.
Then one day he got hired to install cabinets in the home of a guy named George Lucas. They became friends. That got him the role of Han Solo in Star Wars a few years later. True story!
Decades earlier another Ford, Henry, was just one of many engineers screwing around with early car engine designs until he became friends with a wealthy businessman named Alexander Malcomson who forked over the money to get Ford Motor Company started.
This also works for guys not named Ford; Justin Bieber was one of several hundred thousand teenagers singing on YouTube videos before a former record exec named Scooter Braun clicked on one of his videos by accident and got him a record deal.
On the other end of the spectrum, you have guys like Edgar Allan Poe, whose legendary poem "The Raven" earned him... nine dollars. He burned so many bridges he wound up basically begging the public for money before dying at 40.
At some point Poe probably met his George Lucas, but made such a horrible impression on him the guy wouldn't return his calls.
Morale of the story:
I. First Impressions are Really Important;
II. Subsequent Impressions Are Also Important;
III. No, We're Not Tiger Woods!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Lazy Bum
Yawn! Can't bring myself to writing this article I am supposed to give this week for a magazine. I have known the deadline for over a month, and now that deadline is here, I don't think I have enough time. Lazy me!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Think
I was speaking with a friend today, when he mentioned that there are many days he asks himself if he actually is doing anything worthwhile. Has this MBA given us license only to think, and do nothing? Or in other words, has this MBA taken away our license to do, and perform just thinking? Are we good enough for powerpoint presentations only?
I don't completely agree with him, but don't disagree altogether either. I do understand that there are thinkers, there are doers, and then there are those who actually make things happen.
In a firm where I used to work earlier, my boss was believed to be an opinionated person. He was an MBA, ex-Mckinsey, had served as the head of a transnational high-impact organization, thereby gaining loads of exposure, and I admired him for what he had achieved. He once told me that I am a thinker, and I should become a doer. This post is not a measure of whether he was right or wrong about me at that time, but the point is, it did make me realize that not 'knowing' what you are 'thinking' should be 'done', can only work in the short term, if at all. In that discussion, I realized that doing is as important as thinking (and vice versa) - one of the key reasons why I quit to join another firm where I believed I will be much closer to 'doing' (and another key reason being the biking trip to Khardung La – covered here).
What I have realized is - there is a HUGE difference when it comes to thinkers vs doers. Doers do their fair share of thinking, but they do it on the fly; they think while they are doing. Let me break it down and let you decide which side of the track you are on. Are you on the side of the track where people get stuff done, or are you on the side where people think and dream about getting stuff done? It may sound confusing - what I am going to write now (primarily because even I am not clear what I mean).
Thinkers think that thinking is doing. They think that the act of thinking and “learning” is moving them closer to their end goal when in fact thinking (rather than doing) is blocking their progress. Thinkers know that they have to do in order to reach their goals, but they think that the act of thinking always precedes the act of doing. In reality, the act of thinking delays the act of doing. What thinkers don’t know is that the thinking that truly helps achieve goals is not really thinking at all (I know, I told you to bear with me). The thinking that helps achieve goals is actually doing in disguise. Thinking just to be thinking is counterproductive. It is when thinking becomes doing that thinking truly becomes productive. Do you think and learn just to do so? Or does your thinking and learning truly complement each other is the question!
Enough ‘thinking’ for the day – I should go and ‘do’ something – maybe ‘sleep’.
I don't completely agree with him, but don't disagree altogether either. I do understand that there are thinkers, there are doers, and then there are those who actually make things happen.
In a firm where I used to work earlier, my boss was believed to be an opinionated person. He was an MBA, ex-Mckinsey, had served as the head of a transnational high-impact organization, thereby gaining loads of exposure, and I admired him for what he had achieved. He once told me that I am a thinker, and I should become a doer. This post is not a measure of whether he was right or wrong about me at that time, but the point is, it did make me realize that not 'knowing' what you are 'thinking' should be 'done', can only work in the short term, if at all. In that discussion, I realized that doing is as important as thinking (and vice versa) - one of the key reasons why I quit to join another firm where I believed I will be much closer to 'doing' (and another key reason being the biking trip to Khardung La – covered here).
What I have realized is - there is a HUGE difference when it comes to thinkers vs doers. Doers do their fair share of thinking, but they do it on the fly; they think while they are doing. Let me break it down and let you decide which side of the track you are on. Are you on the side of the track where people get stuff done, or are you on the side where people think and dream about getting stuff done? It may sound confusing - what I am going to write now (primarily because even I am not clear what I mean).
Thinkers think that thinking is doing. They think that the act of thinking and “learning” is moving them closer to their end goal when in fact thinking (rather than doing) is blocking their progress. Thinkers know that they have to do in order to reach their goals, but they think that the act of thinking always precedes the act of doing. In reality, the act of thinking delays the act of doing. What thinkers don’t know is that the thinking that truly helps achieve goals is not really thinking at all (I know, I told you to bear with me). The thinking that helps achieve goals is actually doing in disguise. Thinking just to be thinking is counterproductive. It is when thinking becomes doing that thinking truly becomes productive. Do you think and learn just to do so? Or does your thinking and learning truly complement each other is the question!
Enough ‘thinking’ for the day – I should go and ‘do’ something – maybe ‘sleep’.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Books
I am not much of a reader; but I read whatever I can lay my hands on, or anything that comes recommended. From random articles on wiki to random blogs, there is much more than meets the eye in this world. While I've read Bhagavad Gita, Qu'ran and Bible, I don't really think there is much difference in what they are trying to preach. Language is different - essence is the same. And I do not really follow any of them blindly, one of the arguments given in one of the books is as follows:
According to injunctions, there are six kinds of aggressors:
1) a poison giver,
2) one who sets fire to the house,
3) one who attacks with deadly weapons,
4) one who plunders riches,
5) one who occupies another's land, and
6) one who kidnaps a wife.
Such aggressors are at once to be killed, and no sin is incurred by killing such aggressors.
Again, I am not supporting or opposing the argument above - merely stating what has been mentioned. Where I find irony is, though all major books follow the above, the laws of the land do not suggest that an individual should take justice in his own hands. And while the basic premise of all judicial systems is one such text or the other, capital punishment still doesn't find favor with most of these courts.
Guess it's time I pick up something to read into the judicial system.
According to injunctions, there are six kinds of aggressors:
1) a poison giver,
2) one who sets fire to the house,
3) one who attacks with deadly weapons,
4) one who plunders riches,
5) one who occupies another's land, and
6) one who kidnaps a wife.
Such aggressors are at once to be killed, and no sin is incurred by killing such aggressors.
Again, I am not supporting or opposing the argument above - merely stating what has been mentioned. Where I find irony is, though all major books follow the above, the laws of the land do not suggest that an individual should take justice in his own hands. And while the basic premise of all judicial systems is one such text or the other, capital punishment still doesn't find favor with most of these courts.
Guess it's time I pick up something to read into the judicial system.
Latest movies
I have been quite a movie buff - having watched loads and loads of movies over last few years, having imdb to serve as the movie bible, having watched more than half of imdb top 250, having a collection of thousands of movies that I like in my hard disks - it is safe to say that I am inclined towards movies in general.
There are quite a few movies that I had seen in last year or so, which have sort of blacked out from my mind. I can remember bits and pieces of the storylines of a few of them here and there, but can't come to recall the names of the movies or the plots, or the endings for that matter. Was watching an animation last night, "How to train a dragon" - a fun movie.
Only after the movie had finished did I realize that I had already seen it early this year! Guess it's an overload of watching so many movies that I can't even remember which ones I have watched and which ones I haven't.
Personal pointer - keep a tab on what you watch! A few sitcoms can make the week smooth which enough media for the week. And then, wait for white collar in jan.
There are quite a few movies that I had seen in last year or so, which have sort of blacked out from my mind. I can remember bits and pieces of the storylines of a few of them here and there, but can't come to recall the names of the movies or the plots, or the endings for that matter. Was watching an animation last night, "How to train a dragon" - a fun movie.
Only after the movie had finished did I realize that I had already seen it early this year! Guess it's an overload of watching so many movies that I can't even remember which ones I have watched and which ones I haven't.
Personal pointer - keep a tab on what you watch! A few sitcoms can make the week smooth which enough media for the week. And then, wait for white collar in jan.
Monday, November 22, 2010
In the news
I am intrigued by the happenings in our surroundings today.
You open the television, and move to a news channel - and all there is playing is either a scam, or a political turmoil. At best, a happy news about India doing well on a specific day in Cricket, or one of the cricketing starts reaching yet another landmark! Of the current ones I can see on TV, there is a tainted CVC issue, some case of Supreme Court asking PM about clarifications on what he did or did not do when one of his ministers was distributing favors in the market in form of some licenses, another case of CWG officials being arrested by CBI and interrogated for money laundering while the supreme boss holidays in Monaco, a case of a state CM refusing to resign after being accused of a land scam, another real estate scam based on defense property, and many more.
(While on CWG, every time I see a name related to CWG scams on TV, I anxiously look for names that I worked with when the games were happening. Not to my surprise, none of the names that feature in the TV are of those who actually were visible during the games, running around doing all the hard work. Sort of verifies my hypothesis that there were two kinds of people in CWG - ones who made the games happen, and ones who did all the "hard" work before the actual work started, and made merry, and made sure those who follow will have to burn in midnight oil in order to make games happen!)
Just last week, I was introduced to a few audio clips on youtube (I think I picked them up through FB, where some connection of mine had shared the link), where a media personality was negotiating portfolios on phone on behalf of a political party, while another political strategist was representing the coalition partner for a specific ministry.
A stupid optimist that I am, I am still hopeful that we will come out of these roadblocks - supplemented by tainted CVC, unresponsive CBI, hand-tied Supreme Court.
On that note, it reminds me of another incident a friend told me last week. I have this friend who also believes that if you have to have the right to crib, be there to make a change yourself first, to have that right to crib. (Like I mentioned in an earlier post here). So he thought he'll turn a few stones, and went on to connect with the youth wing of one of the leading national political parties. To his amazement, it took him weeks to get an appointment with the relevant first, and when he finally reached to meet, he was frowned upon on knowing that he was neither son of a business family, or a political family! He was told that it is better to stay in corporate world, trying to make a difference to the country's economy, rather than through politics, unless he had some big moolah to shell out, or a political family to step into shoes of!
Sad that this friend actually wanted to get in the system and try and make a difference to the society! Another 10-20 years and things will change dramatically from where they are today, but I guess the real beginning of that change is yet to start.
You open the television, and move to a news channel - and all there is playing is either a scam, or a political turmoil. At best, a happy news about India doing well on a specific day in Cricket, or one of the cricketing starts reaching yet another landmark! Of the current ones I can see on TV, there is a tainted CVC issue, some case of Supreme Court asking PM about clarifications on what he did or did not do when one of his ministers was distributing favors in the market in form of some licenses, another case of CWG officials being arrested by CBI and interrogated for money laundering while the supreme boss holidays in Monaco, a case of a state CM refusing to resign after being accused of a land scam, another real estate scam based on defense property, and many more.
(While on CWG, every time I see a name related to CWG scams on TV, I anxiously look for names that I worked with when the games were happening. Not to my surprise, none of the names that feature in the TV are of those who actually were visible during the games, running around doing all the hard work. Sort of verifies my hypothesis that there were two kinds of people in CWG - ones who made the games happen, and ones who did all the "hard" work before the actual work started, and made merry, and made sure those who follow will have to burn in midnight oil in order to make games happen!)
Just last week, I was introduced to a few audio clips on youtube (I think I picked them up through FB, where some connection of mine had shared the link), where a media personality was negotiating portfolios on phone on behalf of a political party, while another political strategist was representing the coalition partner for a specific ministry.
A stupid optimist that I am, I am still hopeful that we will come out of these roadblocks - supplemented by tainted CVC, unresponsive CBI, hand-tied Supreme Court.
On that note, it reminds me of another incident a friend told me last week. I have this friend who also believes that if you have to have the right to crib, be there to make a change yourself first, to have that right to crib. (Like I mentioned in an earlier post here). So he thought he'll turn a few stones, and went on to connect with the youth wing of one of the leading national political parties. To his amazement, it took him weeks to get an appointment with the relevant first, and when he finally reached to meet, he was frowned upon on knowing that he was neither son of a business family, or a political family! He was told that it is better to stay in corporate world, trying to make a difference to the country's economy, rather than through politics, unless he had some big moolah to shell out, or a political family to step into shoes of!
Sad that this friend actually wanted to get in the system and try and make a difference to the society! Another 10-20 years and things will change dramatically from where they are today, but I guess the real beginning of that change is yet to start.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Ownership - Do we, Don't we..
Here's a thought - "Every man [and woman] . . . lives by exchanging, or becomes in some measure a merchant, and the society itself grows to be what is properly a commercial society."
This is not easily bought, but it's an awesome thought - it was first quoted by Adam Smith long way back, but the essence is still as fresh as new. Ownership does pervade our lives and, in a strange way, shapes many of the things we do.
Much of our life story can be told by describing the ebb and flow of our particular possessions — what we get and what we give up. We buy clothes and food, automobiles and homes, for instance. And we sell things as well — homes and cars, and in the course of our careers, our time.
Since so much of our lives is dedicated to ownership, how great would that be to know exactly how much we would enjoy a new home, a new car, a different sofa, so that we could make accurate decisions about owning them? Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. We are mostly fumbling around in the dark.
Ownership is not limited to material things. It can also apply to points of view. Once we take ownership of an idea — whether it's about politics or sports or love — what do we do? We love it perhaps more than we should. And most frequently, we have trouble letting go of it because we can't stand the idea of its loss. What are we left with then? An ideology — rigid and unyielding.
Reasons - here they are.
1. We fall in love with what we have. Nature has this innate ability to make us instantly attached to what we have.
2. We focus on what we may lose, rather than what we may gain. Our aversion to loss is a strong emotion, one that sometimes causes us to make our decisions. As soon as we begin thinking about giving up our valued possessions, we are already mourning the loss.
3. We assume other people will see it from the same perspective as we do. It is just difficult for us to imagine that the person on the other side of the arrangement is not seeing the world as we see it.
And we begin to feel ownership even before we own something. This is what is not fair. And this is where we falter. We start thinking something to be our own, while it was only in our mind that it did. Call it "virtual ownership".
So the crux of the matter is - you own it if you own it. You don't, if you don't.
This is not easily bought, but it's an awesome thought - it was first quoted by Adam Smith long way back, but the essence is still as fresh as new. Ownership does pervade our lives and, in a strange way, shapes many of the things we do.
Much of our life story can be told by describing the ebb and flow of our particular possessions — what we get and what we give up. We buy clothes and food, automobiles and homes, for instance. And we sell things as well — homes and cars, and in the course of our careers, our time.
Since so much of our lives is dedicated to ownership, how great would that be to know exactly how much we would enjoy a new home, a new car, a different sofa, so that we could make accurate decisions about owning them? Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. We are mostly fumbling around in the dark.
Ownership is not limited to material things. It can also apply to points of view. Once we take ownership of an idea — whether it's about politics or sports or love — what do we do? We love it perhaps more than we should. And most frequently, we have trouble letting go of it because we can't stand the idea of its loss. What are we left with then? An ideology — rigid and unyielding.
Reasons - here they are.
1. We fall in love with what we have. Nature has this innate ability to make us instantly attached to what we have.
2. We focus on what we may lose, rather than what we may gain. Our aversion to loss is a strong emotion, one that sometimes causes us to make our decisions. As soon as we begin thinking about giving up our valued possessions, we are already mourning the loss.
3. We assume other people will see it from the same perspective as we do. It is just difficult for us to imagine that the person on the other side of the arrangement is not seeing the world as we see it.
And we begin to feel ownership even before we own something. This is what is not fair. And this is where we falter. We start thinking something to be our own, while it was only in our mind that it did. Call it "virtual ownership".
So the crux of the matter is - you own it if you own it. You don't, if you don't.
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