...and miles to go before I sleep...

A point to ponder - why do we sleep at night, and not really at day? Why is it that sleeping is necessary? Why would one feel fresh after a good night sleep?

Not that these are questions that I would want answers to, in order to get enlightened! It's just that, I was trying to sleep last night, and just could not! I would have had what, maybe three hours of sleep last night, and still I am as fresh as ever. And many-a-times, even when I get as much as 14 hours of sleep at a stretch, I can feel uneasiness creeping into me.

I tend to feel good about the fact that the work I do is what I really like to - and the best part is that the arrangement that I work in suits my time and the things I want to do too. This morning itself, I was having this conversation with P (P's a friend of N, with whom I am staying right now), and I felt very proud telling her that I work in an arrangement that suits me, and I do work when I want to - all this enables me to sleep when I want to, and as much as I want to. Though I said all this (I mean it too!), but in retrospect, I can't still figure out why my sleeping cycle is like that! Why is it that I normally can catch sleep only after 3 o'clock in the morning (Is it that I am meant to stay in the vast lands of Switzerland!); why is it that there is hardly any correlation between the number of hours I sleep and my energy levels after getting up.

Obviously there is the question of whether any sleep is needed or not - No one has proven that humans needs sleep to live, obviously. How do you keep someone awake? When you get tired enough you can sleep through anything. More to the point, killing someone for science is unethical.. but an experiment has been done on mice, where they were left on a constantly turning turntable, with food and water, for several days. The constant slow spinning made it impossible for them to sleep, and after a few days, they died. I don't know how close we are to mice family, but I sure think I'll sleep!

There have been studies that show that the length of sleep is not what causes us to be refreshed upon waking. The key factor is the number of complete sleep cycles we enjoy. Each sleep cycle contains five distinct phases, which exhibit different brain- wave patterns. For our purposes, it suffices to say that one sleep cycle lasts an average of 90 minutes: 65 minutes of normal, or non-REM (rapid eye movement), sleep; 20 minutes of REM sleep (in which we dream); and a final 5 minutes of non-REM sleep. The REM sleep phases are shorter during earlier cycles (less than 20 minutes) and longer during later ones (more than 20 minutes). If we were to sleep completely naturally, with no alarm clocks or other sleep disturbances, we would wake up, on the average, after a multiple of 90 minutes--for example, after 4 1/2 hours, 6 hours, 7 1/2 hours, or 9 hours, but not after 7 or 8 hours, which are not multiples of 90 minutes. In the period between cycles we are not actually sleeping: it is a sort of twilight zone from which, if we are not disturbed (by light, cold, nature's call, noise), we move into another 90-minute cycle. A person who sleeps only four cycles (6 hours) will feel more rested than someone who has slept for 8 to 10 hours but who has not been allowed to complete any one cycle because of being awakened before it was completed.

It explains why, when I get 8 hours of sleep I feel tired and groggy, or when I get 4 hour of sleep, I can barely wake up. As human beings, we should know about this fact, as everyone always says "get your 8 hours". Yet some people fare better than others. Why is that? Probably because the more rested people are actually getting closer to 7.5, or 9 hours, while the 8 hour folk feel constantly unrested.

I now know when my alarm should ring! And now I know, why those 3 hours of sleep last night were more than enough!

this lovely night..

It's late and I should be sleeping. The morning will come early, a meeting in the morning hours followed by an afternoon aimed at marking off multiple items on my to-do list. Then dinner and drinks with a group of friends, a time to catch up on life, share stories of new loves and the grief of loss, complain about our ridiculous lack of free time and the beginnings of another few months of aspiring careers.

It's late and I should be sleeping. But despite the busy chaos of tomorrow, despite my body's overdue exhaustion, despite it all, I cannot seem to abandon the silence and darkness of the night just yet. I love this time of night, when the world is quiet, when the wind beating upon the window sings its own form of a lullaby. I love the darkness, only the hint of moonlight creeping in through the slightly parted blinds. I love the night. Night is when the thoughts come, the creativity begins to flow, the inspiration emerges from its hiding place.

It's late and I should be sleeping. I love the comfort of my body snuggled beneath a thick comforter. I love the comfort and warmth, but I love the darkness most of all. Ironically, the darkness brings a feeling of safety for me. Perhaps it is that the vulnerability vanishes when night descends. I am no longer so visible to the world around me. I no longer feel the pressures to be productive, the expectations to be emotionally stable. It feels safer at night. Safe to laugh out loud alone or feel sad. The judgments and perceptions of the world fade and I find an internal freedom that allows the moments to bring what they may. This does not mean that the nights are always peaceful. In fact, it is often in the darkest hours of the night when the ridiculous thoughts come, when the panic rises, when the overload of daily emotions washes over me and I succumb to their power. But I find relief even in those moments. Relief at the release, the letting go. In these hours, I can be myself with whatever joys or sorrows accompany me on my journey.

So...it's late and I should be sleeping. But I'm not, not just yet anyways. For right now, for just a few more moments, I'm enjoying the night...the silence and the comfort, the warmth and the darkness. I'm enjoying the release and the freedom to just be in the moment.

Oh my goshh..

The days are passing, but still, it doesn't feel like they are..
I have nothing to do, apart from attending lectures, watching movies, and yes, sleeping..

Getting up at noon daily is making me uncomfortable now (uff, what the hell!!). The routine is devastated. Getting up at 12 at noon, going to class, coming back at night (uff again, so many classes @#^#&%!) and then, nothing else, but movies. And yes, chat too.

I can't keep my hands off from my mean machine even for an hour. There's no fun in life; no motivation to work; everything seems to be going in the wrong way. Maybe thats why Murphy's law stands good.
If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong

It surely is going in the wrong direction for me. No learning, nothing at all..
And then, I say that i am an MBA..
To heck with it.
Give me life, give me peace, give me work, give me cheese..
Amen