Thursday, August 18, 2005

Have this - "Leli"!

The key word is always Leli. Especially in the corporate world, there is nothing more important than the Leli word.

It is therefore time now to ask yourself a simple question. "Did I Leli someone today?"

If yes, good. If no, you haven't moved up sufficiently in life yet.

Progress is measured by how many people you Leli each day. Sub-ordinates,
vendors, partners. Sometimes customers, bosses and investors too.

Note the clear and logical implication of the slogan. Your tempo is high, when you Leli someone else. If you are not Leli-ing sufficiently, you are the one likely to be Leli-ed by someone.
In your office, you can clearly see a co-relation between a person's importance and his Leli Monthly Index (LMI).

The LMI is given by the formula :

(sigma of [the number of people you Leli x number of times you Leli each of them in a month]) divided by
(sigma of [the number of people who Leli you x number of times they Leli you in a month])

(Note: the numerator/denominator is taken as 1 if it turns out to be zero.)

For a Weight Adjusted LMI:
You can take a multiplying factor of 1 for Leli-ing sub-ordinates, vendors and partners
and a multiplying factor of 2 for customers, bosses and investors.

An LMI of above 10 is considered healthy for your heart and back. Mainly
because you are so good at leli-ing now that you can play tennis, chase hemlines at Forum, and generally indulge in similar healthy pastimes, unlike others with a low LMI who play the corporate rat-race, chase deadlines and generally indulge their backs on that badly designed office chair.

Further, it is a good idea to measure your LMI and compare it to that of your boss. If your LMI is higher than that of your boss, I would not want to be your boss for sure.
Following are estimates of Weight Adjusted LMIs for various people:

- The common man 0.01

- Rajesh Gupta 0.002
(Got the least salary hikes, on bench, did the max work and worst employee rating
Hai koi shaksh na koi duja
Hai aksar uska muh suja sujta
ain puch kya hai bhai ?
Usne kaha
My dear boy "I am Rajesh Gupta" !

- PR Rajesh 100
(did the least work and got the maximum salary hikes, got the best Employee rating goes to gym,joggin ,bars, pubs music classes and (if time permits) to office, had a new girlfriend every Saturday)
Rabin - 0.0000001
(Works in office. Works in home.But despised, ostarcised ,circumcised everywhere. The culprit is PR rajesh who increases his own LMI by Leli-ing him and the problem is Rabin thinks PR is his best friend. PR shaggin in his bed was caught live on video which further decreased Rabins LMI )

- MBA in an IT Company
(he does regular leli to his boss and the customer, therefore he gets a really high Weight Adjusted LMI, the massive crowds on Brigade Road chasing hemlines is a testimony to the Leli-ing success of Software industry MBA's in Bangalore)

- Software Project Manager 0.1
(gets leli-ed by all his software developer sub-ordinates and by the customer besides by his boss even as he chases deadlines all alone.)

- Consultant 1
(actually you may be wondering why I have put such a low figure given that consultants of all varieties can leli everybody and can never be leli-ed by anybody since they do not have to do any real work. But then have you seen a consultant play tennis or whiling away his time on MG Road? No. You always see them hurrying about, working long hours etc. The funda is simple. The consultant achieves his Leli success by leli-ing himself. For every Leli he scores, he has to commit an equal self-leli.)

- Small Investor 0.5 (for every rupee he makes, he loses two)

- Jayalalitha 1.5 billion (50 million Tams x 30 days)
- LalooPrasad 1 Zillion (30 million biharis x 365 days x 20 years)

So, if you want to progress in life, remove that Britney Spears wallpaper from your desktop and put a chart showing your LMI over a period of time. Stare at it for four hours each day. That kind of time wasted will leli your boss, clocking sufficient leli-points for you. That way, you may even have time to play tennis in future - after you are chucked out from your job.

Happy Leli-ing!

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