Sunday, December 28, 2008

friends and their renewed time table..

It's a fact that marriage can alter friendships, but it's important to recognize and manage this fact. When couples get married, the first few months, nigh on years can be time spent focusing intently on each other - to the exclusion of previous friendships. While most don't do it deliberately, there is a line of exclusion that seems to divide married ones from their single and married friends.


The losses always begin subtly. You don't call your friends as often. You beg off from lunch dates and you forgo plans to head out to dinner and the movies. Your topics of conversation may seem a great deal more limited than they did before. When a married couple begins expecting a baby - the divide may fracture even wider between themselves and their single friends.

Yes - some change is to be expected, but how much is the real question. When you become Mister and Missus, it should not be at the expense of whom the two of you were before you were married.

While your single friends may not be preparing dinner & running household errands, they are still available for support, amusement and conversation as long as you are available to provide it and seek it out as well. You may not be going bar-hopping every Friday night, but that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy each others company over coffee in the morning before work or at lunch during the day.

It's important to remember that maybe single friends want to talk about what they did last weekend, and married ones might want to discuss how much time they end up spending on getting things done for the household. One might not be able to relate to the lifestyle anymore, but it's not like you weren't single once upon a time yourself, or you won't be married at a later date. Sometimes, listening is more important than understanding.

There is this odd feeling in our society that once one is married, all he/she ever wants to do is stuff with thy spouse. This isn't wrong, but isn't right either. It should not end with a feeling of, "Well, our friendship was great while it lasted."

The truth is, marriages are wonderful, but it could be that there are other streams that need to pour water in this pond. Our lives are built on the structure of multiple relationships. The relationships we have with our families, our spouses, our children and yes, our friends. We need different support systems for different reasons. Support and understanding is vital in all aspects.

Just because you do things differently, doesn't mean you don't still have a place in your life for others.

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