Tryst with the doubts

Now that I was back to bangalore from home, I needed some respite. But seems like when it comes, it comes in a big way. Thought that I'll make up for the fun I missed last time. But then, the maze started taking its shape.

Couldn't think of what to do at this friends place. Was all the time thinking of what I need to do in the coming hours, which actually was nothing. I have got into this habit of worrying unneccesarily of things that haven't even happened yet. Sure I ws disturbed because I had been asked to take one of the most difficult and painful decisions any professional in a company has to take: thats about the future of others in the company.

Nevertheless, went to the parties which were long time due. (Don't know still whether I went to Varshney's party or Deepa's party or Sardar's party) I could hardly make out whatever was happening out there, on Saturday night party, as well as Sunday noon one!

As always, Swap was the one whom I would have called, but he too was in middle of a boring party, but due to some official obligations, he was supposed to stay with the party. hence, I decided to take a stroll alone, when everyone else was in the pub.

And the thoughts that came to my mind during that stroll came as no surprise to me, as I should have expected in by then.

It's time to see the unseen. It's time to realise the picture is not as rosy as it seems. I wonder how/when will I come out of this thought; who will be the medium; which incidents will trigger it; where will it happen; and above all, WHY is it happening!

Rendezvous with change.

A long time again. A fortnight actually.

Went home for a few days: First time after I got into this job. Everyone was excited, but as it is said, "Too many cooks spoil the broth" - "Too much of excitement also brings down the relative value of the opportunity".

Was in Bangalore before going home, as I was taking my flight from Bangalore. Don't remember what exactly I did there (It's been 2 weeks since then), but let me try and recollect!

Ah! Met the Branch Manager Ma'm, Ms. All-time-busy this time. Though I had thought I won't, but anyhow, that's me. Met Deepika also. If I remember correctly, she had to attend some functions also, but anyhow! Obviously 294.

Oh yes, Deepa's Birthday was also there. And that gusty Sardar!

Next day: Fly Kingfisher! A nice one. Found it better than Jet/Sahara/IA. Enjoying the headphones still. ;)

Reached Delhi. My-o-my! What a storm it was. Though the time was afternoon, ours was amongst the only flights to land in delhi on that day. Thank God our flight didn't get diverted to Jaipur/Lucknow. Got home, and it looked still the same. Same as ever. Comforts at the level best.

Then came the changes from the usual. Work@Home. To start with, looks nice. But not for long. Went to what-not places. Had rendezvous with the unmet. And the usual ones also. But for a change, didn't get to meet friends for long. I could feel the change that had cropped into me. All the things which used to excite me, weren't there anymore. Everything was changing. For Good? - Don't know.

And the unthinkable - the unusually usual stuff, from wherever we went - "Get Married kid! You are done with what others haven't! You have everything now." Obviously I was sure Mom and Dad won't ask me to, so soon.

As if I am a source of entertainment, everyone I met said the same. Do they believe I am an amusement piece, who will bring fun into their lives like that!

Good enough that I am at a stage where people are considered to have achieved a lot, but I know I am capable of much much more; much beyond others can even think of. And above all, I myself haven't discovered what I want to do with my life: in what position are others to have a say in what I should do!

Thankfully, Mom and Dad were always with me on these grounds, and they back every decision I make. That's what is most appreciable in my case.

After a week of consistent pushing, finally my parents also fall into the trap. They think so many people can't be incorrect. Damn it! Anyhow, told them straight away, on the onset, that it is not to be. Sure they were hurt on straight-forwarded-ness, but they know what I mean. I feel bad as well, to have refused them the "first-ever" thing they wanted to ask me for, even before they asked me for it. Though they are open to anything I wish to, I know it hurts, to see their kid has grown to such an extent that he can make his own decisions now. Poor me! Dilemma!

Oh yeah, Micky - as chill as ever. Never bothered about anything. Gosh - when can I be so tension-free?

Then the flight back to bangalore. As I sat back and thought, though nothing happened on the trip, but this trip was going to be one of those, which you keep in your mind for long long time. I am on a trip now - a trip to a different world!

Death Rate!

Now this is a gud one: (Stolen from another blog of a friend of mine)

Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?

A: One per person.

Complex

And then this guy A comes to me and says that this girl B has a problem with another guy C. And this is being stated as the problem why work is not getting done! Now, how am I supposed to make sure that they stay on the same side of the line? Moreover, why should I do that?

I mean, am I responsible?

Kya yaar, kitne pange hain life mein? Can't the life be a bit normal, without any complexities?

Talk.

Just yesternite I was discussing this with a friend of mine: How sick guys are!!??

Stunned I was to hear this abstract statement, but then everyone has all the rights to think whatever one feels like. Only later did I come to know that it was only a matter of the moment she encountered. As I lay back and think, I ponder over the issue and see that many-a-times, the corollary holds.

Talks with her brought back those gud ol' DCE days. That "Chai waale baba" - "Are mera cup tod diye re!" - Those countless hours spent in the canteen - Those group fights - Those marriage parties we used to attend unvited - The gud times - And the bad times.

But anyhow, those were the best days of my life! (No doubts about that)
:)

Changing times

How strange it is to see people perform celebrations here, which is highly unlike how I have seen things getting along in Delhi! With this guy's (from the office) birthday just around the corner, the gusto was highly intriguing. But as I see it, people from this part of the country are not too much involved with one-another. Though they are very nice to talk to if you approach them, hardly will anyone ever make the first move. So content in themselves, no wonder why they are getting into technical field in large numbers.

Actually this party here today reminded me of the gud ol' times at DCE. Celebrations everyday. Even the fights we used to have now seem the best of the times. I would anyday prefer those itsy-bitsy fights than the happy days here, while I sit in this air-conditioned cabin, sipping this stupid cup of coffee.

Not in a mood to continue anymore. Need some change. Need to call someone right now. Rest later.

Naahh. Nothing.

Now then, it's been happening for quite some time. I wonder when the speculations will come to an end, to bring out a clearer picture. Hoping to get everything sorted out by the time I go home.

Leaving it aside, I think its getting interesting day-by-day. With the projects coming in at an unsustainable pace, I sure need to look for people who are WELL-SUITED for the task. Everyone has his/her own strengths (I won't call weakness here, bcoz hardly anyone knows his), and the onus lies on each individual to identify how to manipulate self to get a strategic fit with the task. This seems to be pretty abstract, and getting into an unidentified field; so will chuck this as well, for the meantime.

This week was as hectic it can get, but for a change, I didn't mind that. With a few client deliveries (or should I say Over-deliveries), and commencement of other few, it came as a surprize to me how I could have managed 3 night-outs in a span of 4 days. As I see it, never-ever have I bothered to go thru the night for studies. Night-outs I have had for sports/games/roaming around have been countless, but never for something which would add value ;-) to anything. But these night-outs were more out of concern than for work. Monitoring of the team, and giving them a feel that someone is there sitting with them is more like it.

Anyhow, will have all the rest in the world when I go home next week. (Or will I? 000's of things are to be done. Gotta meet "n" number of people. Gotta take care of some pending issues. etc etc etc). This trip will be more like a hop, where I'll have to manage with just one "me". Alas, cloning has not reached any critical stage.

Maybe I'll put in my skeptical thoughts next time. I sat to pen them down, but somehow could not do that. Better luck next time.

Lonely Hearts - See Through !

Find 50, or find just 1

Courtesy a blog entry that I saw on blogger sometime back, a thought came to my mind tonight. The entry rightly asks - Do we spend enuf time on "I", "Me", "Myself", even though we say we are so selfish!

Let me re-iterate the question asked - "What are the 50 things you WILL do before you DIE?"

Absurd sure it seems, but as emgi (that's the name of the person who made the post) states it, it's really very hard to think of any such things. Infact, I tried thinking of a few for myself, but couldn't even zero-on to 1 of those 50.

I think I've thought of the 1st one now, though. It would be to be find all 50, before I die.